Day 7

My best friend is MIA----Missing In Australia. And tonight is my last night house sitting. I had a drink or two and relaxed in the jacuzzi before taking a lovely dip in the pool and drying off. Tonight I realized that the dogs are just as rowdy together as my best friend and I are. But ONLY when they are together. It's like they get this whole cocky--take over the world attitude that makes them total pricks to everyone on the outside. But to them; it is the time of their lives and they wouldn't have it any other way. Well, in 7 days, my dog will be less happy than I. But he's had his fun, and I want my fellow shenaniganer (a neologism of mine) back. I lack sleep and I definitely lack motivation for the work shift I decided to cover tomorrow. C'est la vie

Day 6

The guilt I feel for living in this immaculately clean room is starting to hit me. I quickly made it evident that someone is living here and that someone is not as clean as the previous occupant. There are clothes strewn haphazardly all over the room from someone who can't decide what to wear and uses his work schedule as a decisive tool (who's working tomorrow? Do I care how I look?). Along with the clothes, there are an assortment of books (I recently started three books..... and no, I do not get confused) laying among the clothes. But the best part of this chaotic collage of carefree life is by far the mattress I put in the dead center of the room. Yes, there already was a bed here in this room. No, it didn't feel right to sleep in it. Yes, I realize I am strange. But with all the mess, I like to imagine a scenario that might occur. Lets say that some random person stumbles upon this room and must use the evidence therein to make a conclusion about the resident (kind of like a show they had back in the day on MTV). I imagine it might look as though a librarian had a book party/orgy here. In conclusion, I guess I should probably clean up or else someone might get the WRONG idea, because no sex is going on here. Trust me, I'm as chaste as a moose on a mantle.

WARNING: this is not a pg13 music video. If you have high blood pressure, avoid.

Day 5

Today I ate my way out of unhappiness. Gobstoppers galore saved me from wishing I was in Aussieland. And two dogs who wanted to walk really really bad gave me a little bit of exercise as I enjoyed a sunset that begged a romantic audience. I am definitely planning a date that ends in this part of town. I have two spectacular views of man and God's creations within a mile of each other and both spots are uncharted by anyone but the most keen of native residents.

In other news, I decided that I need my passport pronto because I want to do some traveling. One trip I would like to take is south of the border with my surfboard and perhaps my salty and streetwise father. On this trip I would like to pursue my newest and most favored hobbie: surfing. I recently had a major breakthrough in the waves and I want nothing more than to have some space and time to perfect the new things I have been trying.

Day 4

Today I killed a centipede in the backyard (disconcerting). Before that I had drinks with Jimmy, and before that I Jacuzzi'd. Before that I got off work at 10. Before that I dealt with bitchy spoiled girls/women for 8 hours. I feel obligated to continue blogging about these miserable days I have while my best friend is out of the country, but only because I said I would. If he were here, I'd be having too much fun/we'd be in too much trouble to blog. It's 2:30 a.m. and I work at 8. I am a bit tipsy, but still cognizant enough to use the word cognizant properly in a sentence. Goodnight my loves good evening my family down under.

Day 3

This is getting old real fast. Yet again I return to you here on the world wide web to tell you about my house sitting adventures or lack there of. Today was rather uneventful, except that I discovered that this house is haunted. I keep hearing footsteps coming up the stairs and I am positive that someone is coming. Except they never do! It is slowly driving me nuts. But then again, I guess I had a head-start there already.

The dogs (my german shepherd and my best friend's lab) are having the time of their lives. They seem like they are so excited to see each other that they don't really know where to start. So they fall back on the time honored favorites of generations of dogs: sniff each other's pooper and wag their tails into oblivion.

Bed time now, but play time later.

Day 2

I woke up to an empty house. Terribly depressing. So after having not one.......but two dogs slobber all over me, I put on sunscreen and headed to the beach. I strategically sat near the cutest girls I saw on the beach. Baywatch style I ran into the water and then James Bonded (Daniel Craig version) out of the surf and back to my towel. Well, those girls had no chance. After giggling and a few more shots from their "Snapples" followed by NOS chasers, the one in the european styled black bikini came over and asked me to watch their stuff. "Sure thing," I replied as I pulled out my book and feigned a lack of interest. 5 minutes and 3 pages later the dangerously cute duo returned and thanked me generously for "guarding their valuables." To make a long story short, I ended up taking shots on the beach with an Aussie exchange student from Melbourne at around the same time my best friend was landing in Melbourne. Ironic? I thought so.

P.S. Did I mention the part where I bought a handle of Skyy and smuggled it with a cute girl past San Diego's finest. Ahhh, what a great way to celebrate my 1st time getting carded. Would have been much better had my favorite accomplice been present. Oh well, he's probably putting shrimp on the barbi right about now.

Day 1

Today marks the start of a 10-11 day journal that I will keep chronicling what it is like to housesit your best friend's abode while he is away on vacation.

DAY 1
I sit here wondering why the hell I want a big house some day. This house is massive and I and my family are only three. Yet someday I want a giant house. I guess this is a life lesson. Big homes are only fun if they are filled with people you love. The house I am sitting in/ sitting is one such home every normal day of the year. Today is not normal, the next two weeks are not normal. I hate abnormal. I hate loneliness. I also hate pancakes, eggs, waffles and white picket fences. Oh, and vanilla ice cream. This may sound like a digression, however, it is nothing of the sort. The ones who occupy this home love to goad me about my "picky" tastes with breakfast food and my mom objects to my disliking of white picket fences. But all my dislikes are easily decoded by one simple yet dangerous idea that pervades my mind. I have an innate distrust of normalcy. The white picket lifestyle of 9-5 boredom and cookie cutter homes with boring housewives who drive boring minivans isn't for me. That is all so vanilla. I don't want a plain jane life (and I certainly don't want a plain jane wife). I want an exceptional one, exotic, free, fun, and dangerous (much like the woman I seek). So how does house sitting give me all this? Well, I guess it would help the reader to know that I am sitting at the very desk of a certain individual who I believe is very fond of doorbell ditching death. This unnamed but highly respected individual used to run around his backyard with a backpack full of bricks simply because he wanted a "workout." His exploits are far more than the played out impish quasi-badassery that we see so often on youtube. This is a genuine nutcase. I would know, I've heard some of his ideas of what would be "fun." Here's one: "Jesse, lets drive out to the desert with a handful of rations and a few essential tools and just survive for a weekend." So when I talk of living a exceptional life, I know that you need exceptional people in it. The desk I sit at belongs to one such person. A person who, if I have my facts straight, is on a plane as we speak (or I type) and headed to a land where badassery is not unusual, it is the status quo. So to you my friend, bon voyage! I hope and pray for your safe travels and I want you to come back from the future!

I want this: