Sunday, December 25, 2011


I've long since tried to make this blog as candid as I could. Sometimes I end up not writing exactly what I'm trying to say, but c'est la vie . Today we're going to take an honest look at intimacy. Now for those of you who thought I meant sex. I don't, for once. I'm talking intimacy as in the real deal Holyfield bare your soul to another kind. The kind of nakedness that we rarely consider in a world where even marriage, the most intimate journey a man and woman can embark on together, even that marriage is oft cut short of the "death do us part," intention. So now we live in a world where prenuptial agreements ensure that there is no risk (financially speaking) to that which is rightfully ours (heavy sarcasm here). This way when the marriage goes belly up--because, it's bound to do so eventually right?--we won't really have risked anything. And when I say anything, I mean anything. We're not capable of sharing our vulnerabilities with our spouse these days. We all fear we'll have a Kim K. marriage and end up having spilled out our most cherished secrets, the stuff we tell only one person ever, to someone who will take us to court and smile as they ask for half of all our earnings, child support payments, and the dog.

Now please don't misunderstand me. I am the product of a hideously broken home, a marriage that crashed and burned and burned me. So when I write/rant about these things, I do so with my bias, there's really no way around it. That being said, I think the knowledge I've gained is invaluable, and my scars serve the purpose of any other scar; to protect me from injury and remind me of the route I ought not go. This knowledge is extremely lucid in my mind. There's no escaping it. So here I am garrulously writing about nonsense (know you know what I was saying in the first two sentences) when I want to share the knowledge I've gained.

True intimacy is a state of complete vulnerability. It's taking off all the armor we wear to protect ourselves from the terrors of others and providing the person we choose to trust with a kill shot--should they decide to take it. Make no mistake, intimacy is a risk, a HUGE risk. It's a high stakes wager. On the one hand you have given them the ability to hurt you greatly, on the other you have allowed them insider information on the real you. They are privy to things that no one else should ever know. And THAT is where intimacy begins. It's a beautiful thing and so it's a great tragedy that our culture has abandoned it in lieu of facebook friends and prenuptial agreements, because with great risk comes the possibility of great reward.


  1. interesting post. some people aren't vulnerable enough, some people are too vulnerable from the get-go. when is the time to completely let your guard down in your opinion then? when you KNOW they are 'the one'? or til after you're married (i dont think that makes much sense). you know what i mean? it's confusing huh. i guess it's one of those things we'll just know or feel. but i agree, with so many divorces and "oh yeah they broke up"s, it seems like ALL relationships come to an end at some point or another, and that's not how i want to think or go into a relationship!

  2. I feel like the best time to let your guard down is after you've shared something intimate together. Now I don't mean your biggest secret, biggest fear, biggest anything. I mean something you both wouldn't share with any stranger or acquaintance. Something that establishes a foundation of trust with which you can possibly build a relationship step by step on. I believe trust is earned, but that can be a graduated process of revelations each larger than the last. I still believe it's better to have your heart broken searching for "the one" than it is to never find them because you stayed forever sheltered in your shell.