Makeout Makeup episode 1

Ladies, dark eye makeup. Mascara and dark eye shadow, give it a try. It's irresistible.

Golden Globes

I don't know if any of you watched the Golden Globes. I certainly didn't. But I sure as hell would have had I known that Kate Beckinsale was going to look like this:

She looks drop dead gorgeous. Stunning! I would kill to be the guy who gets to escort her anywhere. Women out there, take notes!

White picket fence

I'm terrified of banality. Truly freaked out by the thought of living a life that is anything less than spectacular.


"I'd rather die enormous than live dormant"-Jay-Z.


So no offense to those who love the white picket fence, but I was meant for something more. I guess you could say i'm of the "sex on the beach" variety. The "if it's banned, it's planned" sort. I live for adventure, for those incredible moments when you're out of breath and your heart is pounding in your chest. The times your skin is covered with goosebumps and you don't know whether the chill that just went down your spine was from fear or something more alluring.

And they say all we think about is sex

At work yesterday I saw one of the most romantic things I've ever witnessed or heard of. While a patient of ours was doing her therapy, her husband, who is slowly losing his memories one by one, found it imperative to tell me exactly how he first met his wife. He glowed while he recounted how they met, even with periodic pauses as he searched frantically for words that slip constantly from his mind. It was as though no other memory of his was as cherished and he would gladly forget everything else if it guaranteed the survival of their first encounter.

As she finished her therapy session he nearly ran up to her trying to plant a kiss on her lips. It was humbling to me to see the level of intimacy they obviously shared. He needed her and he had no shame in admitting it, I understood his feeling to be shared by her. Also, I can't stop thinking about how he kept on repeating "She's a hell of a woman isn't she?" As though he was so proud of his girl because she was unique in all the world. I like that. I certainly hope to find a "hell of a woman" someday.

Fashion; finally (Fashion NO NOs)

Well I know I profess to talk about fashion on this here blog, but I've done a lousy job thus far of discussing even the most basic of trends. So today we rectify this injustice! I hope to bring my sardonic wit to bear on a few of my least loved pieces of "cutie" couture.

1) Thong platform sandals. If you're short and you want to look tall: wear heels. Otherwise you should just jump off of a really tall platform somewhere. This is of course assuming you don't want to look like you stepped out of a trailer. Maybe that's why these were invented, to make the step from the trailer to the ground less arduous for meth head trailer trash. My apologies, that was staring in my face the whole time.



2) Bedazzling. This trend is sad and pathetic. Fashion should never include glue and kid's art supplies. The only time this is okay is on Paris Hilton's phone. We already know she's a sparkly whore so she needs to advertise.



Also! This doesn't count! These are sexy and not tacky:


3) Circular framed sunglasses. These are heinous, we're talking warcrimes ugly. If you're a girl (or guy in my opinion) do you really want John Lennon to be what you look like? That's what I thought. Here are pictures as evidence of the uglyness. Wear sunglasses to shield your eyes from the horror (do I need to repeat this-not round sunglasses).

Uncanny resemblance no?


What a babe!

Just a thought

If pictures were really worth thousands of words.....

.....what would this one say about the life I want to live with the woman I want to love?

The Thrill

Twice now i've experienced the thrill of betting everything I own on my own success. Literally every cent I own and two million, seven hundred thousand I don't on what I normally consider a very safe bet: myself. As self confident as I normally am, cocky even, there's still this tremendous fear that I'll botch it all. I fear that I'll drop the touchdown pass and be relegated to a life of normalcy and financial toil forever. But back to that enormous feeling. It's like a weight. Like a physical weight I can feel on my shoulders pressing down on me and it makes it difficult to breathe. Add to that the fiscal hurdles I have to jump over while holding this invisible elephant on my shoulders and you can understand why it is that I pinch pennies and poach ponies. Horse meat taste's terrible but desperation is desperation and hunger is hunger (chill out PETA, no ponies are actually being eaten, I'm speaking metaphorically). So on that day that I don that cap and gown for my third and probable final time, I plan on being wealthy. Filthy rich.